


All these years later

by elricsyao



Series: 31 days of whumptober [8]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Grief, Let Ed and Al be vulnerable challenge, Mourning, NO ELRICEST, Pain, They deserve to mourn, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27113698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elricsyao/pseuds/elricsyao
Summary: Even four years later, the death of his mother hurt just as badly as the day it happenedDay 19 of whumptoberTheme: Broken heartsPrompt: Grief/Mourning loved ones
Relationships: Edward Elric & Alphonse Elric
Series: 31 days of whumptober [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950331
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	All these years later

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually for day 19 of whumptober! Hope y'all enjoy!

Even four years later, the death of his mother hurt just as badly as the day it happened. Ed woke up feeling a crushing pain in his chest, feeling the urge to cry. It took a moment for the realization to sink in through the still half-asleep haze. The day was September 4th, the day his mother had died. 

The boy rolled over onto his right side, burying his face in his pillows as tears built up in his eyes. Pale gray light filtered in through the curtains, further worsening his mood. It took a moment for the tears to subside, but he was able to open his eyes and stare up at the ceiling finally.

"Brother?" 

Ed turned towards Al's voice, groaning. He really just wanted to sleep the day away and burrow himself into his sheets and not think about the last few years. Was that so hard to ask? "Yeah, Al?" 

"The colonel called earlier and said he wanted you to come in today, but I told him you were sick," Ed groaned, letting his head flop back onto the pillows. Of course, the bastard would've wanted to see him today; thank god his little brother knew he probably wouldn't have been able to handle going into work today.

"Thanks, Al." He threw him a quick, forced smile before rolling over with his back facing Al.

Al waited a moment, staring at him with undisguised worry. "Brother, you don't have to pretend." It was all he had to say for Ed to know what he meant. He didn't have to hide how much he was hurting; Al was hurting too, even if he couldn't show it.

That only caused the pain in Ed's chest to hurt a thousand times worse. Ed found himself fighting back a rush of tears. He swallowed the thick lump in his throat, which only allowed the sob bubbling in his throat to grow.

"I'm sorry, Al." He whispered, shutting his eyes tightly as a few tears slipped out. Al made a sound and approached the bed. Ed felt the bed sink under Al's weight and felt the weight of Al's gauntlet on his shoulder.

"What are sorry for, brother?' Al softly asked. Ed couldn't answer him. There was a lot to be sorry for, something Al must've not realized. He'd put his little brother in a suit of armor, killed their mother a second time, and he was sure there were many things he'd screwed up along the way.

But the worst was that it'd been four years since Al had lost his body during that fateful night. Four years of struggles and losses. And it  _ hurt.  _ It really hurt.

"I'm sorry," He repeated, a small sob pulling from him, causing his whole body to shake. "Al, I'm so so sorry for all of this." The last part could barely be heard as he sobbed. He'd screwed up the last chance they'd had at seeing their mother. He was sorry for all of it.

"I'm sorry I couldn't bring her back. I'm sorry I screwed everything up." Ed sobbed into his hands. He'd held this back for years, too numbed to be able to articulate how he felt until now. And now it hurts as bad as the day they lost her.

"I-I, I m-miss her so much, Al." He felt the younger pull him into his chest and wrap him in a hug, crying harder when he felt his younger brother trembling. 

This wasn't fair. Not of this was fair. How could any higher power look down at them and claim that it was fair to steal a mother away from her two young sons with only each other to rely on?

Sure, Ed was responsible and protective, but he could never give Al the love his mother could. He could never give Al his childhood back. That hurt more than anything. It was the only thing he could think as he panted and choked in between sobs. 

They clung to each other, mourning the mother they'd never get back, mourning the past they lost and would never have again. Ed didn't know how long he cried, just that he was exhausted by the end. 

Ed sniffed, pressing his face into the cool chest plate. The dull ache had given way to exhaustion. Al rubbed his back, comforting and lulling him into sleep. "What do you think she'd think of us?" He asked, voice croaky, full of exhaustion.

He'd always figure she'd be disappointed, Ed, for the most part. He'd joined the military as a dog and had to follow wherever they were directed. It wasn't a well looked upon job. She had to of hated him wherever she resided, and he deserved it. 

"I think she's proud of us," Al said after a moment, "I feel she'd be proud of who you've become." 

Ed scoffed, a sardonic smile on his face. "Why would she be proud of me? I joined the military. She always hated the military…"

Al sighed, tilting Ed's head up to look up at him. "I'm __ proud of you. I'm so thankful for all that you've done for me all of these years. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, brother." Fresh tears built up in Ed's eyes, and he leaned back into his brother's embrace.

"Is it always going to hurt this bad?" Ed asked, voice muffled. Al hummed. He wishes he had all of the answers. There was no way of knowing how much it would hurt.

"I don't know," He admitted; Ed stiffened slightly. "I just know that it'll hurt less and less each year."

"Yeah." Ed agreed. 

"It's always going to hurt. We'll always miss her, brother."

Ed nodded against him. Tears leaked from golden eyes, slowly. They were for the future, where mom would never get to see her son's grow up into wonderful men. It would hurt. It would always hurt. 

But someday, maybe it would hurt a little less. Perhaps this day wouldn't be so suffocating.

Just maybe.


End file.
